i thought i was kidding and not being serious when i said i was broken hearted when he left. i thought i was going to be prepared because i have known all along that he will not stay permanently; that he can always be transferred. i never expected though that he was just going to leave totally to another facility. my world crashed, it was the hardest thing to pretend a smile but which i did for a second and i had to leave the room. I can't continue pretending. I can't let them see me affected.
we were not together, we were never a couple but i thought there was something there, i saw sparks and twinkles.
i'm hurting, so bad that i don't have the drive and determination i used to. i am not beautiful, but i thought it was not a problem. he treated me differently compared to other nurses. he teased, bashed and joked around me. was he just amused with me because i can be raucous and loaded with lame jokes?
i want to cry but it won't just flow! i waited and waited for him to message even if just to say "Happy Birthday" but nothing.
now, a few weeks since he left and i have to knock my head and learn to accept that he is not coming back, that he moved on and all those thinking and thoughts are ASSUMPTIONS! A big fat ASSumption. did i assume too much he liked me back? did i read those signals wrong?
my friend said i was just dropped like a hot potato and it hurts too much to admit that I was. I knew that I just assumed too much because I really liked him, that everything he did meant something more than what was intended.
they tell me I'm not myself since I discovered he was leaving and it's true. Until now, there's a struggle to be happy at work but I'm doing my best. i'm grieving and at the moment, I believe i'm on my way to the 4th stage. I am sad, I am unhappy but I am praying these feelings of depression and sadness will go away soon.
I pray that day will come when I will meet that someone and all the broken pieces will reflect and sparkle the happiness that we'll both share. that the assumptions will be realities and the signals are pointing on the same direction.
I will wait for that day, and I know I will be happy!
**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the photos.
